


Walls

by marckitt



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining Tsukishima Kei, That's it, Tsukishima Kei in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27942554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marckitt/pseuds/marckitt
Summary: After walking Yamaguchi home with the promise of listening to the album as soon as he got home, Tsukishima headed to his house. He’d be lying if he said Yamaguchi’s excitement while talking about those songs didn’t make him curious, so before he got home, he plugged his headphones and opened Spotify.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 82





	Walls

**Author's Note:**

> I could use all the songs from Walls but these three have a special place in my heart ❤️   
> Also, a special thanks to my best friend that got me hooked on Walls. I love you!  
> Anyways, hope you like it!

Tsukishima had no idea what to expect from it. Honestly, he was doing it just because Yamaguchi asked. He always had a hard time adjusting to new things, and it was no different with music. 

He had a few songs he liked, barely reaching two hundred songs, and that was it. Whenever he heard a new song, he’d have to listen to it at least three or four times before enjoying it. Different felt odd, wrong. He didn’t like it. And that’s one of the main reasons why he’s had the same playlist for the past two years.

But when Yamaguchi started talking about this new album he heard and instantly fell in love with (his words, not Tsukishima’s), and suggested Tsukishima listened to it, he had no other option but to give it a shot. Besides, he knew Yamagushi’s taste for music was okay – not great like his own, but good –, so it was worth a try. 

After leaving Yamaguchi at home with the promise of listening to the album as soon as he got home, Tsukishima headed to his house. He’d be lying if he said Yamaguchi’s excitement while talking about those songs didn’t make him curious, so before he got home, he plugged his headphones and opened Spotify. 

The album was called “Walls” and it was from an English singer if Tsukishima remembered it correctly. His expectations were low, but he made sure to leave his mind open to the new when he clicked shuffle. The first song started playing. It was calm, just the soft tunes of a guitar. Then that sweet, melodic voice started. 

_“We were too young to know we had everything_

_Too young, I wish I could've seen it all along_

_I'm sorry that I hurt you, darling, no, oh_

_We were too young”_

Tsukishima sighed. Why did it have to be a song about love? He wondered why Yamaguchi liked this so much. Without realising it, he pictured Yamaguchi in his bedroom, holding his phone tight with both hands, head tilted and gaze fixed at the window. 

_“I’ve been looking back a lot lately_

_Me and you is all I've ever known_

_It’s hard to think you could ever hate me_

_But everything's feeling different now_

_Oh, I can't believe I gave in to the pressure_

_When they said a love like this would never last_

_So I cut you off 'cause I didn't know no better_

_Now I realise, yeah, I realise_

_We were too young to know we had everything_

_Too young, I wish I could've seen it all along_

_I'm sorry that I hurt you, darling, no, oh_

_We were too young_

_We were too young_

_We were too young”_

Okay, this was different from the songs Tsukishima was used to, but not in a bad way. Somehow, it soothed Tsukishima to his very core, and that was saying something, he rarely felt touched because of music. 

_“Face-to-face at the kitchen table_

_This is everything I've waited for_

_Now we can finally have a conversation_

_That I wish we could’ve had before”_

At this point, he’d reached the park that marked the middle point between his and Yamaguchi’s house. They always played there as kids. For it was already dark, it was empty. He walked to the nearest bench, shook the snow off of it and sat down, mind blank, thinking about nothing but the song. 

_“Oh, I can’t believe I gave in to the pressure_

_When they said a love like this would never last_

_So I cut you off 'cause I didn’t know no better_

_Now I realise, yeah, I realise_

_We were too young to know we had everything_

_Too young, I wish I could've seen it all along_

_I'm sorry that I hurt you, darling, no, oh_

_We were too young_

_We were too young_

_We were too young”_

Flashbacks of middle school came rushing through his head. He and Yamaguchi were already best friends back then, always joined at the hip. Kids can be mean, and they started spreading rumours about his relationship with Yamaguchi, and how they probably were “more than friends”. Tsukishima didn’t give a damn about those rumours, he knew they were just friends and that’s what mattered. 

Though, one day, he overheard a girl talking about them with her friends. He could remember those words as if he had just heard them. 

_“I’m sure Tadashi-kun can get someone better than Tsukishima. The boy's always telling Tadashi-kun to shut up. That's no way to treat your boyfriend! Besides, I bet he can’t even smile!”_

That hit Tsukishima harder than he would like to admit. He didn’t know his feelings for Yamaguchi exceeded the friendship field back then, but if he’d heard those words now, surely he would freak out more than he already had. 

For weeks, the words made their way to his head whenever he saw the green-haired boy. For weeks, he acted cold, with the hopes that Yamaguchi would understand and leave. He never left though. If anything, he only became more persistent. He followed Tsukishima up and down at school, never leaving his side, not even for a second. 

_“It's been two years since I’ve seen your face_

_I'm tryna find some better words to say_

_Before I let this moment slip away_

_'Cause now I realise_

_We were too young to know we had everything_

_Too young, I wish I could've seen it all along_

_I'm sorry that I hurt you, darling, no, oh_

_We were too young_

_We were too young_

_We were too young_

_We were too young_

_We were too young”_

As the song faded out, a sharp pain started to tug at Tsukishima’s chest. 

What if, one day, he wakes up and realises he’s the guy singing? What if, one day, when Yamaguchi’s getting married to a nice, beautiful lady and he asks Tsukishima to be his best man, Tsukishima wonders what he wouldn't give to trade places with her. What if, one day, more than not having Yamaguchi, he also loses him? Will those words ring in his head like a mantra? Will he move on and get over Yamaguchi, or will he forever cherish the old days where they played at the same park he’s now at because those are the last happy memories with his best friend? 

Shrugging a chill, he got mentally ready for the next song. If all the songs in this album are like this, he feared he'd break down before being able to finish it. 

When the next song starts, he’s sure won't. 

_“I come running to you like a moth into a flame_

_You tell me: ‘Take it easy’, but it's easier to say_

_Wish I didn't need so much of you_

_I hate to say, but I do”_

At the end of the second week ignoring Yamaguchi, Tsukishima couldn't take it anymore. He hated being cold to his best friend and telling him to get lost. It was like kicking a lost puppy. He apologized to Yamaguchi for being a dick and they moved past it without ever mentioning it again. To this day, he thanks the gods that Yamaguchi never gave up on his sorry ass and he promised himself he'd never let others influence him that much. 

Looking back now, Tsukishima laughed at how oblivious he was to his own feelings. It was so painfully obvious how much he loved Yamaguchi. 

_“We're sleeping on our problems and we'll solve them in our dreams_

_We wake up early morning and they're still under the sheets_

_I'm lost in my head, I'm spinning again_

_Trying to find more to say to you_

_Been up all night_

_All night running all my lines_

_But it’s only the truth_

_Been up all night_

_Not sure how to say this right_

_Got so much to lose”_

Another memory popped up. This time, a more recent one. It was after Karasuno’s game against Shiratorizawa. That night, as he laid awake, Tsukishima had a moment of courage. He was going to tell Yamaguchi about his feelings. 

He wasn’t stupid, though. He knew Yamaguchi was way out of his league. As if his cute freckles and the heartbreaking smile were nothing to go by, he still had the biggest heart Tsukishima’s ever known. He knew better than hoping for something he could never get. He just had to get it out. 

He weighed his options. Tsukishima could stay as Yamaguchi’s best friend forever, watch at the first row as the boy grew, found love, meaning to his life, and lived as he wanted. Or, he could tell Yamaguchi the truth and risk losing everything he’s ever wanted. Like I said, a moment of courage. 

When he woke up the next day, half of the courage had dissipated, but he still had what he needed to get it done with. He was going to do it first thing in the morning, the moment he saw Yamaguchi on their way to school. 

_“Never been so defenceless (oh)_

_Never been so defenceless (ooh)_

_You just keep on buildin' up your fences (oh)_

_But I've never been so defenceless (ooh)_

_You just keep on buildin' up your fences (ooh, ooh, ooh)_

_But I've never been so defenceless (ooh, ooh, ooh)”_

At the second he saw Yamaguchi crying on the tree they usually met up, Tsukishima knew he’d have to delay his confession. He approached the crying figure slowly, afraid of making everything worse. Yamaguchi never told Tsukishima what had happened, shrugging it off like it was nothing, but Tsukishima knew better. 

_“No, you don't have to keep on being strong for me and you_

_Acting like you feel no pain, you know I know you do_

_And you can't get inside_

_When you're lost in your pride_

_But you don't have a thing to prove”_

Day after day, something came up and ruined Tsukishima’s plan. Eventually, he gave up. “It's not meant to be,” he told himself. 

_“Been up all night_

_All night running all my lines_

_But it's only the truth_

_Been up all night_

_Not sure how to say this right_

_Got so much to lose_

_Never been so defenceless (oh)_

_Never been so defenceless (ooh)_

_You just keep on buildin' up your fences (oh)_

_But I've never been so defenceless (ooh)_

_I hope that I'm not asking too much_

_Just wanna be loved by you_

_(Don't you be so defensive)_

_And I'm too tired to be tough_

_Just wanna be loved by you”_

As the last chorus started, a tear rolled down Tsukishima’s cheek. ‘ _So is this how it feels like to be heartbroken?’_

Tsukishima felt pathetic. He had everything he could ask for. A best friend that cared for him, that loved him very much – though not the way Tsukishima would hope for –, a team great that helped him realise it was okay to show affection for others, a mother and brother that loved him more than life itself. Yet, he felt like he had nothing. 

When the next song started, he wiped the tear and sat straighter on the bench. 

“Come on, Kei, it’s just the second song. Get a hold of yourself!” 

_“I went to Amsterdam without you_

_And all I could do was think about you and, oh oh oh_

_I should've known_

_I went to Tokyo to let it go_

_Drink after drink, but I still felt alone_

_I should've known_

_I went to so many places_

_Looking for you in their faces_

_I could feel it_

_Oh, I can feel it”_

Shit. Tsukishima had lost count of the times he went to places he only went with Yamaguchi and spent the whole time thinking about him, and the times he swore he had seen the boy when he knew it couldn't be him. Every time he lit up just to get a bucket of cold water when he noticed it wasn’t Yamaguchi. 

_“I'm wastin' my time when it was always you, always you_

_Chasin' the high, but it was always you, always you_

_Should have never let you go_

_Should have never let you go, oh, my baby_

_Go oh oh, oh oh oh”_

The same feeling he got when the first song ended was back. All the possible what ifs he could come up with floated around his mind. The air in his lungs came and went faster than before, his hands became sweaty and sticky. 

Since their first year of high school, Tsukishima knew it was Yamaguchi who he had always waited for. 

I went from LAX to Heathrow

Walked through my door, but it felt nothing like home

'Cause you're not home

Waiting to wrap your legs around me

And I know you hate the smoke without me

And oh oh oh, now you know

I'm wastin' my time when it was always you, always you

Chasin' a high, but it was always you, always you

Should have never let you go, oh oh

Should have never let you go, oh, my baby

Go oh oh, oh oh oh

For the second time that night, Tsukishima felt pathetic. Not because he had nothing, but because he had everything. He had Yamaguchi, and he didn’t feel like letting him go. He wouldn’t do as the guy singing. He’d go through hell and back if it meant he could have Yamaguchi by his side till the day he died. 

In an impulse, Tsukishima stood up. The last verses of the song played on his headphones as he made his way back to Yamaguchi’s house. 

_“I went to so many places_

_Looking for you in their faces_

_I could feel it_

_Oh, I can feel it_

_Wastin' my time when it was always you, always you_

_I was chasin' a high, but it was always you, always you_

_Should have never let you go, oh oh_

_Should have never let you go, oh, my baby_

_Go oh oh, oh oh oh”_

Less than five minutes later and Tsukishima stood in front of Yamaguchi’s house, hands holding onto his phone in the hope to calm his nerves. He walked to the door and rang the doorbell, unconsciously holding his breath. 

He heard footsteps, and before he could back out, the door swung open. A confused Yamaguchi stood there, still wearing his school uniform, but now with less layering. 

“Tsukki! What are you doing here? Did you forget something? Oh, shit, I forgot to give your English book back, didn’t I? Come in, my backpack is in my room,” 

Tsukishima got rid of his shoes and coat and wordlessly followed Yamaguchi into his home until they made it to his bedroom. Once there, Yamaguchi started searching for the non-existing book in his backpack. Taking the opportunity, Tsukishima quietly closed the door behind him and sat on his best friend’s bed. 

“Yamaguchi, forget the book,” he said, voice low, uncertain. It didn’t matter how long it took, it’s still hard to confess your feelings for your life-long best friend. 

“Hang on, Tsukki, I’ll find it real quick, I just need to remember where I put it…”

“Yamaguchi,” his voice was stronger now, demanding. Yamaguchi dropped his backpack in a second and turned to face him. 

“Sorry, Tsukki. Did you want to say something?” 

Looking at him this close made everything feel so real. The fear of losing him forever was real, but so was the fear of never having him. 

“I need to talk to you, can you sit down? Please.” 

“Of course,” Yamaguchi sat next to Tsukishima in his bed, the lack of space between them didn’t go unnoticed by the blonde. 

“I heard the album.” 

“Already?! Tsukki, you didn’t have to!” In spite of his words, anyone could see the joy in Yamaguchi’s eyes. “Did you like it?” 

Tsukishima considered his next words carefully. He knew how much it meant to his best friend for him to like it. “It was… different. A good different. What caught my attention were the lyrics, though.” He paused. He wanted to know Yamaguchi’s thoughts first.

“I know, right!? The way he pours his soul onto them, _god._ I’ve lost count of the times I stayed awake just listening to the whole album. It’s perfect!” He said. “But, you didn’t listen to it all, did you?”

“No, not yet,” Tsukishima shook his head. “I made it to the third song before I came here.” 

“Oh, right, why did you come? Was it not for the book?” Yamaguchi asked, his head tilted to the side. Shit, it should be illegal how cute this boy was. 

“There’s no book, Yamaguchi. I– I came here because I'm tired of pretending. Since middle school, I had to watch you and stand by your side as your best friend, and I'm so fucking tired. I told myself it'd go away, I was just confused and lonely, but god knows it's not true.” 

Before he realized how he sounded, Yamaguchi’s now teary eyes dropped to his shaky hands. Fuck.

“I'm sorry, Tsukki. I–” 

“Shut up, Yamaguchi. Let me finish.” He took a deep breath and the rest of the courage he had, and let it all go. “I can't take it anymore because I don't want this. I could have wanted it at the start, but it's just not enough anymore. Yamaguchi, I… I want more.” He brought his hands to Yamaguchi’s face, ignoring the way the boy almost flinched at his touch. He gently caressed his cheek before sliding to his chin. With his forefinger, Tsukishima held his face up, bringing his eyes to meet him. “I love you, Yamaguchi. Always have and always will.” 

In one last impulse, Tsukishima leaned in and pressed his lips gently against Yamaguchi’s. His insides turned into jelly in the millisecond he closed his eyes, and he had to pull away, even though he ached to linger there. 

When he opened his eyes, Yamaguchi’s had even more tears on them. _Yeah, that's it. It was good having you as my best friend, but I had to try,_ Tsukishima thought. 

“Tsukki… I love you, too.” Yamaguchi pulled Tsukishima by the collar, closed his eyes and kissed him again. 

This kiss was a much warmer and longer one. After the initial shock, Tsukishima dove into the kiss. He had waited way too long for it. When they pulled away, there were tears on both their faces, but neither could tell whose tears it was. They laughed, cried, hugged, and kissed some more. 

That night, as Tsukishima fell asleep, he thanked the gods above for living at the same time as Louis Tomlinson. 

**Author's Note:**

> [My twitter](https://twitter.com/mary16_chan)   
> 


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